Child Development 101
Parenting and Caregiver Types
Discipline vs. Punishment
Parenting Help
Positive Discipline:  50 Principles and Alternatives to Punishment

Parenting and Caregiver Types
© 2000-2003 by Laurie A. Couture, M.Ed, LMHC

Parents, teachers and other caregivers often relate to their children using a specific care giving approach: Authoritative, Authoritarian and Permissive.

Authoritarian and Permissive caregivers generally employ harsh or neglectful approaches that tend to instill negative attributes in children such as anger, aggression, irresponsibility, inflexibility and selfishness. Authoritative parents and caregivers generally employ approaches that are more balanced and in-tuned to a child’s individual needs. This approach tends to instill the values of responsibility, empathy, critical thinking and independence. Many caregivers use the default approach learned from their own childhood caretakers. Although parents and caregivers may occasionally employ approaches from each category, an adult's care giving type is based upon the predominant manner in which an adult responds to their children.

 

Authoritative parents and caregivers usually:

  Are nurturing

  Openly express unconditional love and affection

  Set firm, logical limits

  Are consistent

  Set expectations that are appropriate to the child’s developmental stage of life

  Practice positive discipline

  Are Empathic

  Are approachable and encourage open communication with their child

  Provide guidance and encouragement

  Use consequences logical to the child’s misbehavior

  Encourage restitution when the their child has wronged another person

  Are understanding of the factors and needs underlying their child’s behavior

  Adjust restrictions according to a child’s development to allow for growth and opportunity to
        demonstrate responsibility

  Advocate for or support their child when another adult has wronged their child

  Encourage critical thinking skills by allowing their child to question authority when the child
        feels he or she has been misunderstood

  Earn respect from their child by showing their respect to their child

Authoritarian parents and caregivers usually:

  Are punitive

  Are demanding of blind obedience and compliance

  Withdraw love, attention and physical needs if a child misbehaves

  Use threats to gain compliance

  Mistake age-appropriate behavior for misbehavior

  Make rules and demands based on adult convenience

  Use corporal punishment

  Yell, scream, compare and use put downs

  Shame children for poor behavior

  Are sarcastic when speaking to their child

  Overlook or negate the factors or needs underlying a child’s behavior

  Are non-democratic

  Employ consequences that are illogical to the misbehavior

  Use bribes or manipulation to gain compliance

  Punish children as a way to "get back at" or to "win" a power struggle

  Engage children in power struggles to assert "who’s boss"

  Put restrictions on a child’s freedom, autonomy or individuality in excess of what would be
        appropriate for the child’s age level

  Fail to adjust restrictions to allow a child growth

  Fail to advocate for or support their child when another adult has wronged their child

  Insist on "no back-talk", barring a child from questioning authority when they feel they have
        been misunderstood

  Demand respect from their child without earning it

Permissive parents and caregivers usually:

  Fail to adequately set limits and boundaries for their child

  Are neglectful

  Lack consistency in discipline

  Minimize when their child has a physical, emotional, social or educational problem

  Shower their child with material objects in place of time, attention, communication and love

  "Give in" to their child’s tantrums in order to "quiet" the child

  "Give in" to their child’s inappropriate demands in order to appear "cool" or to act as a
        "buddy" rather than as a parent

  Fail to adequately monitor their child’s whereabouts

  Fail to provide adequate supervision and guidance appropriate to their child’s age
        and developmental level

  Leave their child to regulate his/her own behavior in a way not appropriate to their age
        and developmental level

  Allow their child to associate with people who could potentially put him or her in physical,
        sexual and/or legal danger

  Do not encourage a mutually respectful relationship

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