Child Development 101
Parenting and Caregiver Types
Discipline vs. Punishment
Parenting Help
Positive Discipline:  50 Principles and Alternatives to Punishment


Discipline vs. Punishment
© 2000-2003 by Laurie A. Couture, M.Ed, LMHC

These commonly misunderstood words are often used interchangeably. Below is a break down defining the important differences of each word.

Discipline is:

  • Giving children positive alternatives
  • Acknowledging or rewarding efforts and good behavior
  • When children follow rules because they are discussed and agreed upon
  • Consistent, firm guidance
  • Positive, respectful
  • Physically and verbally non-violent
  • Logical consequences that are directly related to the misbehavior
  • When children must make restitution when their behavior negatively affects someone else
  • "Time-outs" that are open-ended and governed by the child's readiness to gain self-control
  • Understanding individual abilities, needs, circumstances and developmental stages
  • Teaching children to internalize self-discipline
  • Re-directing and selectively "ignoring" minor misbehavior
  • Reflection and verbal give-and-take communication
  • Listening and modeling
  • Using mistakes as learning opportunities
  • Teaching empathy and healthy remorse by showing it
  • Directed at the child's behavior, never the child

Punishment is:

  • Being told only what NOT to do
  • Reacting to rather than responding to misbehavior
  • When children follow rules because they are threatened or bribed
  • Controlling, shaming
  • Sarcastic
  • Negative and disrespectful of the child
  • Physically and verbally violent and aggressive
  • Consequences that are unrelated and illogical to the misbehavior
  • Children are punished for hurting others, rather than shown how to make restitution
  • "Time-outs" that banish a child for a set amount of time governed by the adult
  • Inappropriate to the child’s developmental stage of life
  • Individual circumstances, abilities and needs not taken into consideration
  • Teaching children to be controlled by a source outside of themselves
  • Teaching children to behave only when they will get caught doing otherwise
  • Constantly reprimanding children for minor infractions causing them to tune-out
  • Forcing children to comply with illogical rules "just because you said so"
  • Criticizing the child, rather than the child's behavior

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Note: Note: All writing and artwork on this site © 1999 - 2004 by Laurie A. Couture, M.Ed, LMHC, and must be properly cited. You must ask permission if you intend to copy, distribute or use any portion of this information in written form beyond citations.